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	2008.10.21 10:55:50 admin blah , blah , blah Heard a classic over the weekend from a renowned pundit, commenting on a player who had returned home a few days before from far afield, he said - " But I'm not sure what state of mind his body will be in"!  Daft-isms like this, however funny they are at the time, don't in anyway compensate for all the endless drivel we hear from commentators and pundits alike nowadays. Especially it seems with football and racing for some reason - maybe there's more nonsense to be talked about within these sports and more willing journos/ex-pros/pundits etc to voice their opinions.  No, it's probably just that I watch these two sports the most actually.  Is it just me or do these people take themselves too seriously?  When I say seriously I mean they seem to think that they are the reason you are tuning in, not the races at Goodwood or the football at Anfield or whatever.    Living in foreign climes for a lot of my adult life has meant I have watched lots of football in varying languages, some which I can understand, some just get a feel for,  and some, some are  just a noise and then you are truly free to watch the action.  Saying this I don't mind some of the old school guys who come up with silly phrases and bits of trivial nonsense - one beautiful example I remember fondly is one of many uttered by David Pleat.  I was at an FA Cup game with a friend of mine who insisted we jam a radio between our heads to listen to the commentary while we were watching the game live.  Quite bizarre I thought, though not uncommon I have noticed, yet I'm glad I did agree to the physically contorting alliance, if only for the first comment Mr. Pleat made as the players from Leeds United and Crystal Palace took the field.  As they trotted on he buzzed in our collective ears - "And here come Leeds in that brilliant canary yellow away strip that's the envy of the Premiership".  What a lot of nonsense!  But great in its utter buffoonery!  One thing I can say is that line has never left me and every time I see Leeds play in their yellow away strip I wonder if he is still as lovingly stirred by it as he was that evening.  The radio didn't stay at me ear very long I must say as it was a very dramatic game in which Leeds were behind, then came back, took the lead and then were dragged back to 2-2.  In the dying minutes Palace were awarded a penalty which was duly saved by a certain Nigel Martin - a long serving keeper of previously Palace and at that time Leeds - preventing Palace's advancement in the competition.  The reaction of the crowd and the atmosphere in the ground was one of those rare collective moments, the whole crowd- Palace fans and Leeds fans alike - forgot their differences and the struggle to get into the next round of the FA Cup and, as one, sang (for a good ten minutes as the game drew to a close and for a while after) "England's number one, England, England’s number one!!".  This assertion was highly debatable of course, but at this moment it was clear for the 30 odd thousand in the ground that he WAS England's number one.     These are the things you never get in your living room listening to pundits and commentators drone on about often factually incorrect bits of info and opinions you'd rather hear down the pub.  Also watching it at home, it is very often hard to understand or really be aware of the chants of the fans, which are one of the most interesting and funny parts of any game in my opinion.  There would be tapes and tapes worth of memorable morsels had anyone bothered recording them - "Feed the Goat and he will score" (referring to prolific Man City striker Shaun Goater and expressing the opinion that if the ball was 'fed' up to him more often he would indeed score) springs to mind.  The new Man Utd one commenting on Ji-Sung Park's eating habits is one that always brings a little smirk to my face, although they are a bit vicious about their rivals towards the end (in a funny way though) - you know the one - "Park, Park, wherever you may be, you eat dogs in your home country.......etc."     Sometimes even the most puerile chants, given the right set of circumstances, can be highly amusing - especially if 25 thousand plus people laugh together - which was the case in this very old one I remember.  I won't mention the clubs involved because it may start a heated debate on who actually "invented" the chant.  All I know is everyone around me on the day in question was sure this was the first time it had been sung and it wasn't hard to imagine that to be the case given the set of circumstances which inspired it.  I was in the home end of a London team and they were getting absolutely battered.  At half time they were trailing 0-4 and it was pissing down to boot.  Obviously the half time atmosphere was a bit muted from the home fans to say the least, a majority were thinking about going home or doing something else for the rest of Saturday afternoon.  The opposition however were, not surprisingly, in good voice.  A decent pack of them were in the facing end behind the opposite goal and were doing what people often refer to as "giving it the big un".  They were being led in their singing by a tall skinny chap who had what I can only describe as a home-made cat-in-the hat style head garment in blue and white hoops.  It was the days before they manufactured such stuff and this had obviously been created by a mother or sister or someone with a vendetta against the wearer, because it was particularly ill fitting and far too high - so much so that it swayed in the wind.  He was standing right at the front sort of cheer-leading.  The home fans were semi-asleep , mesmerised by what had happened during the first half and standing drinking their cups of tea in silence staring at the pitch and the opposition fans, when some young sage bellowed out to break the quiet "Who's the wanker in the hat?" and pointed to the cat-in-the-hat impersonator.  What followed was amazing, first a few titters and then hearty laughs and then a gradual chorus developed - "Who's the wanker in the hat .....Who's the wanker in the hat ...." etc.  You know the rest, sure you've heard it a million times before (since) and there was no more to it than that, except that during the half time break it just got louder and louder and the guy in the hat at first seemed oblivious and continued to lead in his own celebrations, but when his own group joined in and even pointed at him he sheepishly sat down (still in the hat mind) and when the players came back on a hearty round of applause was to be heard but it wasn't greeting the players it was a sort of thank you for the half time entertainment.  I wonder whatever became of the young commentator who first shouted out those words.  To this day I still believe this was the inaugural singing of this number.  More than likely it's not.  Somebody will probably respond to this and say it was actually an old song from the First World War trenches and was in fact a witicism at the Germans’ helmets, but no, it was the in the home end that day in London.  Whatever, you have to believe in something, don't you.